Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Police Passing Out Parade

HRH: "Do you know who I am"
PC: "Hey lads, this bloke doesn't know who he is"
A few weeks ago I was sprucing up the `street garden` in front of our humble abode. We don't have a front garden, but we do have a strip of grass about 6 feet wide that stretches the length of our place and the attached place next door plus the block of 5 garages. It was all one big barn when it was built in 1860, with walls 3 feet thick, but some clever types converted it all about 30 years ago. I spruce up the street and tend the grass and the flower beds that have been laid into it over the years, because the village always enters the "Britain in Bloom" thing. I know very little about gardening but can follow simple instructions, plus I like to be able to contribute to the well being of my chosen community and help keep it looking nice. As I was sweeping up the trimmings a villager from the `in bloom` group came up to me and seemed very keen to talk. She had been told that I was `ex job` and that I used to be in the Met Police. She proudly told me that her son had recently finished his initial training and that she was at his passing out parade the previous day. She told me everything that went on and how proud she was of her son and all his colleagues. As she described the ceremony it all sounded so very familiar to me to the point that I started to recall my time at Hendon, both as a cadet and finally as a trainee on the 4 months initial recruit course. I wished her son good luck and finished off my sweeping up. Two days later she posted a DVD of the ceremony through my door. I have just watched it and have to say that the Met did a very good job of the passing out parade, reminiscent of my own. It was held at what used to be the Cadet Corps Training School, where I spent 9 happy months, getting fit, being beaten up (boxing, wrestling and Judo were compulsory) road running (techno padded, shock absorbing running shoes hadn't been invented - my knees suffer now, perhaps I can sue the Met? Everyone else does). I was then shipped to the Met Cadet Corps phase 2 training centre at Ashford, Kent for another 9 months. And I thought Hendon was hard! By the time I was ready to enter back into the `real` training school as a 19 yr old probationary constable I was a Devizes to Westminster grade canoeist, a cross country runner, fearless exponent of the assault course, held a brown belt in Judo, had been taught to map read and orientate by using a compass and OS Map, conducted mountain rescue training in Snowdonia - in the middle of Winter - represented the Corps at football, swimming, and athletics and was just about the fittest I have probably ever been before or since. Not only that, but I received free board and lodging, 3 square meals a day, took additional GCE's in Geography and British Constitution and was paid pocket money that allowed me to have a good night out on the town once a week. All of this flooded back to me as I watched the latest young and not so young recruits as they started their new career as London police officers. I watched them march off the parade square before their proud families and friends, escorted by a detachment of the Mounted Branch (who saved my arse on many an ugly demo) as the Band of the Welsh Guards played Auld Lang Syne. To my surprise, I found the whole thing rather moving. Well done The Met for still putting on the style and good luck to you all, every last one. I believe the Cadet Corps was closed down years ago. What is there that prepares our young potential police recruits for public service these days and is compulsory Judo, wrestling and boxing still allowed?

Monday, 17 August 2009

Some Cynical Bigot is circulating this....

....I blame the parents
1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?
2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?
3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?
4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Maths In 2005
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
Your assignment: Discuss how might the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.
6. Teaching Maths In 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health & Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recividest and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.
When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100.. While he is in jail the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a leaving BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and depart leaving behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.
Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?
7. Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub- prime mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot with only some government money left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses. The logger stuggles to pay the £1200 road tax on his old lorry however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.
Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1500 registration fees as a gang master.
The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonus's are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances. You do the maths.
8. Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع D8موله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار.
صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟