Monday, 17 August 2009

Some Cynical Bigot is circulating this....

....I blame the parents
1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?
2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?
3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?
4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Maths In 2005
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
Your assignment: Discuss how might the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.
6. Teaching Maths In 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health & Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recividest and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.
When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100.. While he is in jail the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a leaving BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and depart leaving behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.
Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?
7. Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub- prime mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot with only some government money left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses. The logger stuggles to pay the £1200 road tax on his old lorry however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.
Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1500 registration fees as a gang master.
The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonus's are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances. You do the maths.
8. Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع D8موله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار.
صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟

9 comments:

Blue Eyes said...

Umm, LOL?

powdergirl said...

Welcome back!
That's a brilliant piece of writing, and a familiar problem. Here's a few of the slogans that my logger friends wear on their hats and t-shirts.

"Earth first, we'll log the rest later."

" Cream of Snowy Owl soup" with a rip- off a Campbell's soup can depicted.

I had dinner with a near bankrupt logger quite recently. Round here the fight is to get the right to log forest thats fast dying from the pine beetle infestation, coming soon to a forest near you! It takes so bloody long to resolve the fight that the wood is no longer useful. Then they get sent in to log it as a fire hazard.
I could go on and on, but you must be tired from your journey : )

The internet proves again that the problems are at least similar the world over.

Dave Pie-n-Mash said...

The sad thing is, it is easy to believe this is true!

Nickie Goomba said...

This ain't satire. You stole this from the Guardian's Education page.

Cpdcoppurr said...

OMG so true!!! AND SO SAD!

Ky Long Rider said...

I was a logger many many years ago and have friends still in the business. I hear these complaints often

Blue Eyes said...

Where are these hotly anticipated and long-delayed photos of your hols?

I think we should be told.

Hogday said...

Hello Cynics:

Blue, CPDc, KyLR and Dave, yes, its sort of funny `un` funny for those who know the reality.

PG: I'm up for hugging a tree, too, but kindness can kill ;)

Nickie G: You, Sir, are a well read Anglophile :)

Tom said...

excellent LOL..