Wednesday, 17 March 2010

INTERLUDE: Something for all you Health & Safety freaks

Where's the `road closed` signs and an eagle-eyed PCSO directing traffic when you need one....Whats that? Its a fake? What's fake?


Blue Eyes said...


Immediate thoughts:

1) hope the people in the car weren't too badly hurt

2) the lawyers are going to get very rich on the back of this

Have you seen that YouTube video of the tall building in Indonesia falling over unprompted?

Lizzie Love said...

It wouldn't have happened on my watch, guv!

Hogday said...

Blue: Yes, saw a powerpoint of it. Incredible. As for this video, thanks to H&S and the modern car, I expect there were 15 airbags dotted around the interior. I'm surprised the ball wasn't bounced back into the crane.

Lizzie: Rule 13 of the police Manual of Guidance - `remove all traces of uniform and blend into crowd, preferably muttering in a foreign tongue`.

archytas said...

1. I was unavailable at the time, being in my second briefing of the day on traffic safety.
2. I left a text message for Superman.
3. I said this would happen when they slashed the training budget.
4. It is a disgrace our police are not equipped with giant electro-magnets.
5. Police shouted several warnings and there are special reasons none of the 200 civilians present did not hear them.
6. All terrorists visiting our country can expect the same crushing response from our beloved emergency services.
7. Extreme Islamist juggler arrested in ball of death Jihad plot. Met to form anti-wrecking ball special support group.
8. PCSO was ordered not to throw herself in front of ball of death as she had insufficient wearing underwear outside uniform training (coming next week to a force near you).
9. Press leak: the car occupants were drunk, paedophiles and under investigation for the death of Princess Diana.
10. Nulabour admits to teething troubles in its random car crushing policy, but minister states crime is falling and the occupant's poodle had no dog licence. 'We will make you so scared of us, you'll have not time to be scared of crime', says Secretary for Justice and Righteous Fear.

Hogday said...

archytas: :))

You inspired me to add my own headline:

"Building Site Foreman to be Prosecuted by HSE Over Spoof Re-Creation of Raiders of Lost Ark Opening Sequence Tragedy" (He wasn't wearing his safety goggles and earplugs when shouting `ACTION` through a megaphone that wasn't displaying its annual electical safety check sticker)

Blue Eyes said...

Archytas that is the best comment I have ever read on a blog... ever.

F^ing brilliant.

Hogday said...

Blue: No. 7 a real killer!

De Campo said...

My immediate thought?

1) I need to get my own wrecking ball.

JuliaM said...

I'd like to hope this one is fake, but I'm not so sure....

archytas said...

A plaudit indeed Blue - thanks. If only the Farce PR departments could afford my fees, public confidence would soar!
De Campo has the basic idea. My own preferred strategy would be to co-opt this wrecking ball crew as the fast action rehabilitation team. Playing the theme from the A Team at mega-decibels, we would park them up in front of scrote houses, post 'rehabilitate here or in hell' notices through the door and then knock with the ball in progressively extended swings. The public would be invited to use our Crime Smashers hot-line.

Archy is allcoppedout - no great conspiracy, just easier to post with a google-based account.

Hogday said...

De Campo: I too love its medieval charm. What the Romans could've done with a few of those against the Barbarian hordes and the Greeks to the Persians....hang on a mo`. Persians>Iranians??????

JuliaM: Holy crap! But as you hinted, the absence of tyre smoke and sparks....incidentally, this has just made BBC News 24!

Archytas: I feel that the concept of your suggestion is wholly sound. There's nothing delivers a message from the good guys of society like a steel ball through the front door. Its what I'd like to think of as a subtle form of social control. (see "Albions Fatal Tree", Hay et al)

archytas said...

I was fancying personal roles in this Hog, on Farce-provided Harleys and with cavalry sabres! With a time-machine we might catch up with Old Karl, drunk and smashing gas-lamps, thus saving the world much pain and me much tedious reading. Whose side will we be on at Peterloo though?

Hogday said...

You know, archytas, I think I'd re-set the time machine a little earlier. I see myself as a sort of Robespierre with a conscience and a dash of Abe Lincoln, but at the same time a little more ruthless than both. But Harley's don't like cobbled streets.

archytas said...

I'm something of a Maigret novel fan myself Hog and 'The Four Just Men'. Bullet in the brain from an old Barrett Light 50 once used by the IRA for a scumbag drug-dealer, with some CIA drugs-for-arms cash littered about sort of stuff (chummy shot outside 3-storey house built on 'Troubles compo' in XMG). Would all that 'existential hero' power corrupt us though? Haven't yet been able to write in the wrecking ball.

powdergirl said...

These comments are awesome!


Hogday said...

Archytas: Ah the gentle kiss of a `Light 50` - you old softie ;) Have you been watching "The Hurt Locker" again???

Powder: Sanity comes in many forms and there's many a true word spoken...but these things are rare in The House of Commons.