Wednesday, 9 February 2011
The Heroine of Northamptonshire
I'm sure this sort of thing happens in Los Angeles (or maybe even Liverpool?) all the time - ie ladies of much mature years intervening in raids on jewellers shops. Looks like they didn't know what hit them - it certainly wasn't Santa, thats for sure. I'm sure exemplary sentences will be metered out to the robbers. I do hope the press give the trial as much coverage as this remarkable footage. Her statement, which can be found in a separate clip accessed just below the video clip, is also worth a read, especially between some of the lines. As for the lady of the moment, Res Ipsa Loquitur and Ave, Caesar, morituri te salutant
Lets take the piss out of the disabled guy
I'm still steaming about the `honourable` members of parliament who thought it would be funny to take the piss out of their colleague with cerebral palsy,. It's not helped by the fact that Prime Ministers Question Time is on in the background as I type this. Even after trying to vent my feelings in the below `Speechless in Parliament` post I was still riled, until I found the below. I'm OK now.
Tuesday, 8 February 2011
Off with their AntiSocialBehaviourOrders
Welcome to the Eu. 5000 road fatalities a month.Very antisocial.
Saturday, 5 February 2011
Speechless in Parliament
I've just read the full story in todays "Times" of this Member of Parliament's experience at the hands of his fellow `honourable` members that reminded me of how I've hated bullies for as long as I can remember and made me wonder why no one had the guts to stand up in the chamber and put the finger on these odious morons? I also heard the Prime Minister speaking on TV about the failure of multi-culturalism (is his specialist subject the bloody obvious?). I then read this story (Minority Rules) over at PC Bloggs' place. Oh the shame of it all.
Friday, 4 February 2011
Its a Gloucestershire thang - if you have to ask, you just wouldn't get it
But these misunderstandings are so common:
Last week, a 60+ year old woman checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Damon - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt.... You get the picture.
She figured, what the heck, she'll give him a call.
"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, she thought he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she said, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room number 420 at the Four Seasons Hotel and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now how does that sound?"
He says, "Oh my... That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line..."
She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Damon - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt.... You get the picture.
She figured, what the heck, she'll give him a call.
"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, she thought he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she said, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room number 420 at the Four Seasons Hotel and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now how does that sound?"
He says, "Oh my... That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line..."
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
The truth is out there, at last......so thats all right then.
This new gizmo has only been public for half a day and already the denials are flooding in behind the initial wave of enquiries. "Not realistic", "Not a true reflection of the reality", "It also includes retail crime so doesn't necessarily portray the real picture", "This street isn't really a no-go area"...... are no doubt some of the responses we shall read about in the coming days as this `research tool` gets a good going over by the media and others.
From my perspective, all I can say is that I spotted one of the top whatever-the-number-was notorious `streets of fear` that I used to patrol in my days on the streets. My first taste of what life would be like for me, after I'd transferred from the Metropolitan Police, is easy to recall now. As the guy showing me the ground drove slowly down the `naughty road` in the van, he said, "This pub on the left can get a bit lively" and as if on cue as the words left his lips a chair came through the plate glass window and almost landed in my lap. Out we jumped and emerged a few minutes later with two struggling, kicking, scratching, biting, spitting whores. Nice. That's the way it was then and thats the way it was when I took the pension and ran, 25 years later. Twas ever thus.
So after reading all the smoothing, soothing sound bites from the senior officers and local councils crime and disorder spokespersons (who also appear to be wearing the Emporers New Clothes) I forgave myself for my cynicism and disparaging thoughts and the odd, sad out-loud comment. One of the quotes was from a guy I used to teach when he was a probationer and I know for a fact he copped a few beatings down that street when he was drawing a coppers pay. He knows its always been like that, but he sure as hell wasn't saying it now he was in the upper ranks of the tin gods.
I read his platitudinous quote and quietly chuckled to myself. I wished him a healthy retirement, somewhere that he doesn't have to bullshit anymore. By my reckoning he must be due in about 2 years, unless he's been done over by the tinkering with the retirement age and has a few more years of truth manipulation ahead of him.
From my perspective, all I can say is that I spotted one of the top whatever-the-number-was notorious `streets of fear` that I used to patrol in my days on the streets. My first taste of what life would be like for me, after I'd transferred from the Metropolitan Police, is easy to recall now. As the guy showing me the ground drove slowly down the `naughty road` in the van, he said, "This pub on the left can get a bit lively" and as if on cue as the words left his lips a chair came through the plate glass window and almost landed in my lap. Out we jumped and emerged a few minutes later with two struggling, kicking, scratching, biting, spitting whores. Nice. That's the way it was then and thats the way it was when I took the pension and ran, 25 years later. Twas ever thus.
So after reading all the smoothing, soothing sound bites from the senior officers and local councils crime and disorder spokespersons (who also appear to be wearing the Emporers New Clothes) I forgave myself for my cynicism and disparaging thoughts and the odd, sad out-loud comment. One of the quotes was from a guy I used to teach when he was a probationer and I know for a fact he copped a few beatings down that street when he was drawing a coppers pay. He knows its always been like that, but he sure as hell wasn't saying it now he was in the upper ranks of the tin gods.
I read his platitudinous quote and quietly chuckled to myself. I wished him a healthy retirement, somewhere that he doesn't have to bullshit anymore. By my reckoning he must be due in about 2 years, unless he's been done over by the tinkering with the retirement age and has a few more years of truth manipulation ahead of him.
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