Friday, 4 February 2011

Its a Gloucestershire thang - if you have to ask, you just wouldn't get it

But these misunderstandings are so common:

Last week, a 60+ year old woman checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Damon - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt.... You get the picture.

She figured, what the heck, she'll give him a call.

"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, she thought he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she said, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room number 420 at the Four Seasons Hotel and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now how does that sound?"

He says, "Oh my... That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line..."


sparkflash said...

It's a beautiful thing.

Blue Eyes said...

I bet someone won a bet by getting that headline past the editor!

JuliaM said...


Hogdayafternoon said...

Blue: I haven't heard of anything to surpass the famous "Sir Vivian Fuchs Off to the Antarctic"

powdergirl said...

Now thats what I'd call a "finishing" school.

Quick joke?

Traveling salesman knocks on a door. The door is answered by a 10 year old boy wearing a bathrobe. He's got a lit cigar in one hand, a glass of scotch in the other, and a rolled up Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.
Salesman: Is your Mom or Dad home?
Boy: What the fuck do you think?

CI-Roller Dude said...

Did she press "9" for an outside line?

Conan the Librarian™ said...

"It's a Scottish thang"

A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn. The Gamekeeper shouts, 'Dinnae drink thon waater! It's foo ae coo's keech an' pish!'
The man replies, 'My Good fellow, I'm English. Could you repeat that in English for me.'
The game keeper replies, 'I said, use two hands - you get more that way!

TonyF said...


I misread Ms Tuck's surname....

Blue Eyes said...

@Conan :-))

Hogdayafternoon said...

'Tis indeed a beautiful thing... and all that from a single sex establishment, too.
...Old Goon Show line: Neddy:"Segregate the sinful sexes"
Bludnock: "How many sexes are there"?
Bludnock: "It's not enough I say"

Powdergirl, I think you'd have excelled there - at hockey of course;)

Roller Dude: You're not taking this seriously are you? Gloucestershire just isn't used to this sort of thing. I believe they've only legalised sex between married couples since 1989 - and as for the hotel story, I'll e mail you and explain :D

Conan: :D (We should have let you keep your bloody North Sea oil)

TonyF: I'd missed that. When you squint up your eyes it just gets better!

Sage said...

Love it... that is just so funny... xx