Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Roll up, Roll up, Arrgh Me Hearties

To The Point Cruise Lines is excited to offer the ultimate adventure cruise, along the pirate-infested coast of Somalia !

Ultimate Adventure Cruise Route

Rates and Availability

Ship Name

Starting Price

Days

Availability

Sun Splendor

$5,200.00

5

Fully Booked

Grand Voyage

$6,150.00

7

Reservations Available

Horizons IV

$7,091.00

10

Reservations Available

Horizons III

$5,200.00

7

Fully Booked

Grand Voyage II

$6,300.00

7

Fully Booked

Grand Voyage III

$5,200.00

5

Reservations Available

Coastal Paradise

$5,200.00

7

Reservations Available

Coastal Paradise II

$8,200.00

10

Reservations Available

Peril Princess

$5,200.00

7

Fully Booked

Peril Princess II

$5,200.00

7

Reservations Available

We board our luxury cruise ships in Djibouti on the Gulf of Aden near the entrance to the Red Sea, and disembark in Mombasa , Kenya seven adrenaline-charged days later. Reservations start at only $5,200 per-person (double occupancy, inside room) and $6,900 (veranda complete with bench rest).

You ' ll relax like never before!

That ' s because you are welcome to bring your own arsenal with you. If you don ' t have your own weapons, you can rent them from our onboard Master Gunsmith. Enjoy reloading parties every afternoon with skeet and marksmanship competitions every night! But the best fun of all, of course, is...

...Pirate Target Practice!

The object of our cruise is to sail up and down the Somali Coast waiting to get hijacked by pirates!

Weapons rentals:

Weapon Selection

Price

Description

AK-47 Light Assault

$12.00 Per Day

On a budget? Rent a full-auto scope-mounted AK-47 for only $9/day with 7.62 ball ammo at $12 per 100 rounds:

M-16 Full Automatic

$25.00 Per Day

Rent a full auto M-16 for only $25/day with ammo attractively priced at $16 per 100 rounds of 5.56 armor-piercing:

Barrett M-107 50 Caliber

$59.00 Per Day

Hello! Nothing gets a pirate ' s attention like a Barrett M-107 50-cal sniper rifle; only $59/day with 25 rounds of armor-piercing ammo affordably priced at only $29.95.

RPG Launcher

$175.00 Per Day

Want to make a real impact? Rent an RPG for only $175/day with three fragmentation rounds included! A true favorite among pirates, rent one today and show you care!

Customer Testimonials

"Six attacks in 4 days were more than I expected. I bagged three pirates, my wife nailed two, and my 12-year old son sank two boats with the mini-gun. This wonderful cruise was fun for the whole family" -- Fred D., Cincinnati , OH

"Pirates 0, Passengers 32! Well worth the trip! Can ' t recommend it highly enough!" -- Ben L., Bethesda , MD

BUT WAIT, THERE ' S MORE! Twin mounted mini-guns are available for rental at only $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire!

Additional Cruise Line Services

  • Need a spotter? Our professional crew members can double as spotters for only $30/hour. (spotting scope included, but gratuities are not)
  • Also included: Free complimentary night vision equipment - and throughout the night, coffee, pastries and snacks are always available on the main deck from 7pm until 6am
  • Our deluxe package comes complete with gourmet meals and all rooms offer a mini-bar

OUR SATISFACTION GUARANTEE!

We guarantee you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or you ' ll receive an instant $1,000 refund upon arrival in Mombasa .. How can we make that guarantee? We operate at 5 knots just beyond 12 nautical miles off the coast of Somalia , thus in international waters where pirates have no rights whatever. In fact, we make three passes through the area ' s most treacherous waters to ensure maximum visibility by Somali "mother ships." We repeat this for five days, making three complete passes past the entire Somali Coast . At night, the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot every five minutes with loud disco music directionally beamed shore side to attract maximum attention.

ACT NOW!

Cabin space is limited so you need to respond quickly. Reserve your package before May 31st and get a great bonus - 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice! So sign up for the Ultimate Somali Coast Adventure Cruise now!

BUT THERE ' S EVEN MORE!

Reserve now and be automatically entered to win a 5 minute time slot on the Captain ' s own Twin Browning 50 Caliber M2HB installation! "I haven ' t had this much fun since flying choppers in ' Nam . Don ' t worry about getting shot by pirates... they never even got close to the ship with the crap they shoot and their lousy aim... Come on board and bag your own clutch of genuine Somali pirates!" -- Mike W., Savannah , GA "Holy crap! I mean literally, I crapped myself! This gun shook the deck like thunder, and I was laughing so hard I just had to release it. AWESOME!-- Jim W., Tampa , FL

(NB from Hogday: OK, I pirated this post - BUT - This tactic WAS used in WW1. They were called `Q` ships and nailed a lot of U Boats. Look back and learn?)

8 comments:

ht said...

Wishful thinking: but it's just not true.

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/hoaxes/piratecruise.asp

Hogday said...

Damn! and I thought it was all genuine. Thank goodness for the urban mythbusters :))

Blue Eyes said...

Hogs - have you been replying to spam again?

Hogday said...

Blue: No, but I was within an ace of handing over my credit card details to this bogus cruise company. I'm furious, as I'd also intended to book a day with the Barratt Light 50.

Nickie Goomba said...

I was gonna go, but then I discovered they had canceled the shuffleboard.

Hogday said...

NickieG: And I love shuffleboard. Glad I didn't stump up the cash. What a rip-off. I think I'll just send my bank details to that nice Nigerian that keeps wanting to make me a millionaire (or Janine from the erectile disfunction clinic - how does she know so much about me?).

De Campo said...

Haha! AWESOME.

Hogday said...

De Campo, the one I received even came with pictures. I'll see if I can send them too.