Saturday, 4 December 2010

Money can't buy you....grip

Up here in the frozen wastes there are these folks who like to splash out on everything. They are logophilic bling-mingers. I have studied their antics over the past week in the arctic conditions on our roads and have compiled a shortlist of the crappest blingmobiles you can drive on snow laden roads:

In 5th place: All Jap sports cars
In 4th place:  Anything with "Turbo" or "X" appearing in its name
In 3rd place: BMW X3's and 5's (I know, these have "X" in their name but they deserve an extra mention as they really are naff and slide about like crazy)
In 2nd place: BMW's, generally

and in 1st place, the most hopeless car I've seen on snow, is.....

the new Mercedes 230 series, one of which I had to push, even on a totally level car park under a mere 6 inches of fresh snow - the thing just sat there with its rear wheels slowly revolving like they were on ball bearings. A knackered old Rover on skinny tyres ran rings around it. Beware!





15 comments:

CI-Roller Dude said...

Maybe I'll do a posting on "Cars you shouldn't try to outrun the cops in."

JuliaM said...

"...as they really are naff and slide about like crazy."

Despite being sold as SUVs (which people translate as '4x4, go anywhere, offroader') they almost certainly have road-style tyres, and not typical working 4x4 tyres.

Rather like my Landrover Freelander!

On the other hand, I'm not someone who believes the magic '4 wheel drive' mantra gives me a 'get out of the laws of physics free!' card, and I drive accordingly. Slowly, carefully, in sensible footwear and most importantly, only when I have to.

TonyF said...

Some years ago, I found myself trying to get over the Cat and Fiddle. The snow was coming down in buckets. I had some fairly heavy objects in my car, so I re-distributed the weight about,let some air out of the tyres, and set off from Buxton...

The first bit was bad, there were cars stuck everywhere! Still, I managed to get up to the top. A couple of things became apparent. First, the wipers couldn't shift the snow any more, so I was leaning out of the window, trying to see, and keep some of the screen clear the headlights, were slowly being covered, reducing visibility even more. And worse, the radiator was getting no air and so the engine was starting to overheat! I was the last 2 wheel drive over there for some days.

And the car?

A 1600

MkII Capri!

powdergirl said...

Around here its the people in the vehicle, more than the vehicle itself that causes the problems, though certainly, not all vehicles are created equal. And why is it that manufacturers insist on putting 300 plus horses under the hoods of mini-vans. Most people who drive mini-vans, can't really handle all those horses, especially on snow covered roads.
I'll stick with my truck, no X's, no turbo's, no bling(well, very little bling : ) as I traverse snow and ice covered mountain passes in pursuit of the ridiculous Canadian obsession with Minor Hockey.
I just love the people who pass a locked-in, studded-up, and rear-weighted truck in tiny little SUV's and over-horsed mini-vans at twice the speed the roads are fit for. I almost admire their misplaced confidence : / but I sometimes balk at stopping to pull them out the ditches they end up in...

Have a nice December, I'm off on an un-needed vacation, and keep the shiny side up!

Blue Eyes said...

My car never ever skids.

Hogdayafternoon said...

CI-RD: Can't wait to find out!

JuliaM: The mighty Land Rover, the ultimate vehicle for ice and snow! Neighbour has one and when she presses on her `special conditions` button, everything grips!

TonyF: Capri's rule! PS, off topic, get yourself a copy of "From Bouncing Bombs to Concorde" (check it out Amazon for my review).

PowderG: Hi stranger! We've had more snow and freezing temps than my pals in Lunenburg NS (lightweight jackets weather) or Newmarket Ont.

Blue: My mountain bike would do better than the Berk in the Merc!

JuliaM said...

"...so I re-distributed the weight about,let some air out of the tyres..."

Ah! That'll be why there was such a queue at the airpumps in my local filling station yesterday that I originally thought they must be running out of diesel! Thought it was a bit odd...

"The mighty Land Rover, the ultimate vehicle for ice and snow!"

Ah, but the poor road-going Freelander is rather looked down on by Landy enthusiasts, as something they buy their wives to go to the shops in while they are out greenlaning in their Defenders and Discos... ;)

Hogdayafternoon said...

JuliaM: Logophiles, the lot of `em!

allcoppedout said...

Getting older, one wonders whether life was ever true. We once left Buxton Cricket Club after a famous victory and got snowed in at the Cat and Fiddle. Wives never believed this 'excuse'. The following year, we were snowed off in early June. A clapped-out Ford Anglia got us home on both occasions. Hog's list of BMWs, Mercs and boy-racers suggest more than just poor snow performance. When the car park of clubs we visited looked like an over-priced car showroom, I always put them in, ensuring more time in the pub when we skittled them cheaply and knocked off the total. Are the Aussies driving the wrong cars these days? They need an infusion of Land Rover driving sheep shearers.

Hogdayafternoon said...

Archy`: Which brings me nicely to the one about the new pommie and the sheep shearer: New pom has too much land and the grass gets too high. His neighbour tells him to get a sheep so he does. Grass gets nicely trimmed. Then a month later its all overgrown again and the sheep is on its back panting. Pom asks neighbour why. "Yer sheep needs shearing, ring Bruce". He rings Bruce and asks if he can do the job and how much it will cost. Bruce says, "500 to a thousand its $2 a head, a thousand to 5 thousand its a dollar 25 and anything over 5,000, its 85 cents a head. So how many do you have?" "ONE, said the pom. There was a long pause, then Bruce says, "OK, what's its fuckin` name".

As for the Cat and Fiddle, I must confess to never having ridden the road. It is now on my `must do` list. http://www.maccinfo.com/cat/

TonyF said...

The Cat And Fiddle is now one of those roads with average speed cameras. A real disappointment. But the run from Ashton on the Water to Macclesfield used to be brilliant (or the other way round, of course) Early hours of the morning in Summer. The only car or bike up there! I used to get from Chester to Lincoln in 130 min! But sometimes would stop above Buxton and watch the sun rise.

HD, I shall have a look at that, sounds good. I recommend 'The Bouncing Bomb Man'. Sir Barnes was a fascinating and very clever chap.

sparkcheck said...

Most drivers I encounter should not be driving in dry weather, let alone in the snow. It's a miracle that more people are not killed in traffic accidents!

Hogdayafternoon said...

Sparkcheck: Greetings Officer Butler. A lot of the folks around my area won't go out on 3" of compacted snow because they can't find the switch for the heated seats on their Range Rovers/BMW X5`s, let alone have the slightest idea how to drive them. Thank the lawd we don't have many Hummers :-/

Blue Eyes said...

Hogday you are a comment junky and I claim my hit.

SCOTTtheBADGER said...

Here in Wisconsin, we are cursed with dingbats in Jeeps. The US Army uses a large 8 wheel drive truck called a HEMTT http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HEMTT

Whenever it snows, we get these sillis that think, " I have a Jeep! I have the same ability to go in snow that a HEMTT with chains on all 8 wheels does". They then promptly auger into the ditch or the median of the Interstate.

This is one of the reasons Badgers have gray hair.