Thursday 10 January 2013

Only in the movies




"Go ahead punk, make my day?" - I don't think so.

Extract from Britain's answer to Dirty Harry, `Grimy Gerald`:

"Now look here old chap. I had no real chance to remember if I'd fired twelve or fourteen times because this is a Glock 19 with a New York trigger, so I get stray rounds going off all the time, but anyway old fruit, there's plenty left in the mag, plus they issued me with a spare. Now about this armed robbery, I ought to point out that this being England, where less than 3% of law enforcement are trained to carry firearms, means that you were extremely unlucky that my armed response vehicle was so close, otherwise this would probably not have happened as we're often 20 minutes away - what rotten luck - plus, if I let a few more off in your general direction there'll be one hell of a row. I'll be suspended from armed operations even though I shot you by applying all the approved criteria and gave a warning that I was armed and that I'd be jolly cross if you forced me to warn you again, and that there were absolutely no other options available to me. Of course there will be a team of lawyers working for you free of charge who specialise in police shootings (assuming you survive) and who will come up with all sorts of miraculous and incredulous things that they will try to convince a jury that I should've done before slotting you with a double-tap to the sternum. So I'd rather you didn't make any sudden moves towards that sawn off on the pavement. Of course I'll have to prove that you were holding it and furthermore actually pointing it at me or someone I was sworn to protect and I will have to prove that my perception of the situation was such that I believed it was necessary to do what I just did and you never know, you might get ten years if convicted - oh and a note about the not so small print, it also says that I even have to consider your bloody welfare as well, which is pretty rich - so ask yourself a question, would you rather be in my shoes? Didn't think so. Ah, here comes your ambulance".

10 comments:

Tadanori said...

Okay copper, these are the rules of engagement: If I stop hitting you, you've got to stop hitting me. I might need a breather from stomping on you so you're not allowed to use that gap to use your own force to arrest me. If I've got a knife, you're not allowed to produce a gun. I mean, where's the fairness in that? I'd be severely traumatised and you know the compensation that might attract. Tazers are right out. How do I get the chance to kick you in the nadgers if you're standing too far away from me? Tazers are simply unfair, man. And you really shouldn't shoot me if I've got a gun 'cause it could 'ave been a replica or even my son's toy Heckler and Koch. Of course you could tell what it was 30 metres away. The jury will understand my complaint..

Tadanori said...

Oh yeah. I nearly forgot. If you do shoot me you gotta shoot me in the fleshy part of my left hand little finger. I'd need to use my right hand to sign the complaint form against you and also the chance to continue running away 'cause you're not allowed to shoot me in the back, neither. Woe betide you don't follow these 'gentlemem rules'

Momma Fargo said...

Ah, unfortunately the pen is mightier than the sword and I think Tadanori has a point with the complaints and lawsuits coming from you doing the right thing. LOL

Hogdayafternoon said...

Tadanori amd Momma Fargo, methinks we've all walked this path.....

TonyF said...

We were always told that if we HAD to fire back, make sure they died. Much less paperwork. Ok you were still tried for murder, even if you followed the green card to the letter. But if you are the only witness....

sparkflash said...

@ TonyF - when the Sparkflash Party takes power, you'll be my Minister for Social Policy and Minister for Justice.

Trobairitz said...

You guys have it rough over there.

I've lost count of how many people have been shot by police officer's in the line of duty in Oregon....and not one that I can think of has ever been charged criminally. All have been deemed justified.

MTG said...

Crickey. Conversations initiated by plod are usually confined to the simple Anglo-Saxon "This yuh car, mate?" accompanied by dental hygiene predating that era.

Hogdayafternoon said...

Good job we can all mock this stuff!

SCOTTtheBADGER said...

POLICE! DROP YOUR WEAPON! NOW!

( No compliance )

BOOM! BOOM! goes the .45ACP

I much prefer the Wisconsin Force Continuum to yours. It helps insure that I will get to go home in the morning. I really don't know where the UK gets people brave enough to be Constables. I know I would be unwilling to do the job unarmed. My hat is off to you, Hoggy!