"Hey guys, I've got one. Why don't we make it so the cops all have to go to and from work in their uniforms?!!"
"That's great Hugo, God knows why no one has thought of this before. I mean, like, with all the too`ing and frow`ing from their homes to work and back again, there'll be like thousands of extra uniforms on buses, tube trains, pedal cycles, cars and stuff and the proles will see all these extra police uniforms about and be like totally fooled and SO-not-scared any more!
Yah, and, like, all the bad shit about the police staff cuts and stuff will look like it's so not happening - it'll be, like, a bullshitfest! Awesome!"
"And when the cops are going home after a 12 hour shift with no radio, no protective equipment, no defensive weapons and no anti stab protective vests and see bad shit going down, they can get off their bike or out of their car and just wade in and, bingo, it all stops! Have to decide whether they'll get paid overtime for going back on duty though - no, wait, they're never off duty ha ha ha ha ha. And the great thing is that this can happen before they even get to work as well, its just brill!"
"And if they have to arrest someone they can put them in their car and drive them to the nearest police station or just use their mobile and diall 999 and won't have to wait too long for another cop to arrive with a radio, baton, CS gas, cuffs and stuff oh yeah and a stab resistant vest thing - this is, like sooo cool. And if a mob decides to smash up their car whilst they're dealing with the bad guys, they can get a ride back to work in the cop car - it's too simple."
"Hey Giles, how about we also make it so they have to live in one of those....what are they called? oh yeah, estates, yeah, housing estates - not the sort of estate that you live on Hugo (laughs). No, these estates don't have long drives, a paddock, cctv monitors and remote controlled gates, these have things called terraced and semi-detached houses, 7 till 11 shops and drop in centres and things - other people live there.
Then, when all the bad guys know that we've put a copper and his wife and kids next to their crack house, they'll think twice before getting up to no good - it will make a huge difference to crime prevention - wow this is getting better by the minute." Anyone else got any ideas? Tamsin, your hand's up"
"Well, guys (still, small voice of reason), just a thought, when we move the cops and their families onto these problem `estates` to warn off the bad guys and make them, like, behave, what happens if they become the targets for vandalism, have their cars damaged, kids threatened, pets poisoned and have dog crap and fish and chip wrappers and stuff put over their garden fences or through their letter boxes and generally have their lives made hellish.......just saying."
"Well that's easy, we won't have to send a copper round to report it, will we. Save us a fortune. Nice one Tamsin"